|
TinyDancer_JB
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jennifer
Birthday: 11/8/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing, Modelling, Losing weight, Shopping, Travelling, Music, Movies, BDF, Chatting, Concerts, CSI, American/Canadian Idol, Exercising, Clubbing, Stuffed Animals, Drawing, Reading
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: not_normal83@hotmail.com
ICQ:  47612660
Member Since:
4/14/2005
|
|
| Havent updated since February. CRAZY!! I had a great summer! Met lots of people, lots of dates with guys, some new friends (that are now gone to university and have left me here alone...), and then in September got back with my boyfriend of 7 years, Jason.  Hmm what else.... gained a hell of a lot of weight on my summer vacations to Boston and Newfoundland.... ended up at about 125lbs... omg gross.... so now I'm working my way back down again. I'm at 112lbs r ight now. Im scared to death tho.... I'm competiting in a bikini competition at the biggest club in Moncton, the Oxygen, next Friday... in front of like 1000 people... so I've started restricting hardcore again. But frig, why is it everytime I restrict even a little bit, I catch a cold or flu!!! Argh its sooo frustrating!! Anyhoo, ok so we've been working on Ballet in dance rehearsal lately (we usually do mostly jazz and hip hop) but I guess I stand TOO straight in the teacher's opinion so she keeps coming over and pushing my ribs down and like pushing my stomach in... I'm almost in tears after every single frickin class. Tonight we did Hip Hop like B-Girl style and I am too jazzy in my technique for it. I just cannot seem to get it. I left class at the end and went to the bathroom and just bawled for like 20 mins till everyone else was gone. I was sooo depressed. Oh btw, I just got my DVD of HBO's "Thin" Documentary in the mail yesterday. Amazing!! If you havent seen it, go to Amazon.com and buy it. Its triggering, sad, scary, happy, everything. Anyhoo Im exhausted. Me and my boytoy are decorating my house tomorrow for Christmas so I have to be up and ready for about 11am.... which at this point is early haha. I'll keep you all updated on my progress for the next 2 weeks for sure. I miss coming on here and getting my feelings out. Although I have always still read every subscription that comes to my email from my Xanga friends. ;) hehe Love you all! xoxo, Jennifer P.S. A big shout out and hugs for my new AnaPal Michelle. Luv ya girl! Stay Strong! | | |
| Wow what a crazy last few days, emotionally. I get like this for about a week a month, every month. Where my anti-depressants dont do anything for me at all and I just want to die. It's like Pre-PMS or something lol. Anyways so Friday was the worst of it. I went through my day like a zombie. By the time it came for me to go to dance class at 7, I REALLY didnt want to be there. It was like torture. I was a grouchy bitch the whole 2 hours and then cried the whole way home in the car. I just feel SO empty. Like theres no point in going on at all. I have no friends, I want to break up with my boyfriend (but how do you do that after over 6 years of a relationship?), I want to quit my job, I hate my life, I'll never be anything at all, I'm hideously ugly, and I see no future for myself... at all. I kept trying to fill a giant Hole in my heart all weekend. First I tried buying clothes and stuff like that but then it was like... what's the point in even looking... it's not going to help. I know that being out of the house all day yesterday with my mom helped a bit, but still, what happens tomorrow when she's at work.  I'm back to being totally alone and scared and worthless again. To make things even worse, my "modelling agent" whose dance/fashion show I've been in every year for the past 4 or 5 years, well she called everyone else to be in it again this year... except me.... she thinks I'm too ugly or something. She told me last year to try not to smile too much cause no one likes to look at someone wearing braces. Wtf?! Bitch! ugh.. anyways, i dont want to grow any older. I want to go back to when I was 5 and I had my daddy still and my world was perfect and i was happy. And I want to stay that way forever. I hate being 22... almost an adult... screw this. I went out early last week and bought a new Barbie just for the hell of it. It made me cry. I really need a Psychologist....!
So to keep myself busy this week, I went and bought Sunshine yellow paint yesterday and I'm going to repaint my room. So I must be off but please tell me how I can get myself out of this dark funk I'm in. Love ya's.
xoxo, Jennifer | | |
| Omg ok so my mom's best friend since as long as I've been alive, Barb, well we got a phone call yesterday morning.... on February 14, Barb was working till 7pm. She has muscular dystrophy so she needs help to do almost everything and she's in a wheelchair. Her husband always helps her. Well he was supposed to come pick her up at work when she was off. When he didnt show up she called him at home a few times and there was no answer. So she called her next door neighbor and got her to go over and see if Gary was home. His van was there, so she went in the house (it wasnt locked) and there she found him. He was sitting on the couch with his head laid back on the cushion. She called Barb back and told him... "I can't wake him..!" So by the time Barb did get home, the ambulance was there and they had Gary laid out on the floor. He had passed away. He wasnt sick or anything!! He was watching tv when the main artery in his chest burst and he died instantly. I forget the word they use for that... Anyways... its sooo sad....  He was like a father to me. I used to go camping with them all the time and we'd go to their house for supper a lot, and he was ALWAYS around since as long as I can remember. So now we dont know what's gonna happen to Barb... cause she can't live on her own... she'll either have to move out of her house or get 24 hour home care. They're not old people either. Gary had just turned 60.
I feel weird talking about happy stuff now but here we go. Valentine's Day was fun! :) Supper was yummy! The good thing about expensive restaurants is that they only give you tiny portions so I definitly didnt feel stuffed when I left there. And everyone was complimenting my dress. lol Thats me before supper in the red dress and that's Jason. My boytoy. hehe 
I had to take some pics for dance so I'll post one here so you can see my pure talent... *cough* jk! It's just me goofing around in my kitchen while the cleaning lady was there. haha Thats why it looks messy behind me. 
Anyhoo, I gotta go get ready for tomorrow. My surgery is at 9:45am but I have to be at the Hospital for 7:45am. Eeks early for me to be up on a day that I'm not working lol. Love you all. I won't be on for a few days while I'm recovering and in bed. Stay Strong. Love ya's!
xoxo, Jennifer | | |
|
My Boyfriend helped me out a little bit last night with some of the stuff up higher and pushing around furniture. Wow it's amazing!! It's BRIGHT yellow and sooo happy! I have 4 lights throughout the room so the reflection of that on the walls makes it even better. So since I've been super super busy for the past 2 days, my dark mood seems to have lifted and I have the will to live. I'm trying not to think about my future and how blank it is... Positive thoughts right? 
I'll post pics with the next entry cause I dont have them on my computer yet. But thanks for the sweet comments on my last entry. It made me smile to know there's people around who might actually care. *HUGS* So tomorrow I'm heading to the mall to look for new curtains and a new funky light switch cover at "Claire's". 
